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After four months, no words, news, nothing, now suddenly she drops me an email, with her picture attached. What is this? A way of telling me that she’s back? Back in to my life?

For four months I’ve been trying to forget her, to forget the feeling I had, and I almost succeeded. But now she’s back, her picture bring back all the memories. Her half-chinese face, her smile, and most of everything about her. How I once want her to be mine, and it hurts to realize that it will never happened.

She’s back online now, regularly, but she’s unable to see me online. I’ve set my Y!M on invisible mode most of the time. I’m trying hard to keep myself from not clicking her nickname, the more I resist it, more and more agonizing it turns out to be.

“missing you”

That what was written on her status, of course she did not see mine, I am in invisible mode. I know that the status was addressed to me, I just know.

“Miss you too…”

So I start the conversation, I can’t help it.

“You took me by surprise!”


“excuse me?”

“Why did you send it? The email, the photograph?”

“Actually I want to tell you about my holiday…”

“Did you realize how it would affect me? Did you even think about it?”

“How? How does it affect you?”

“It reminds me how I want you, make me feel like grabbing my stuffs and book the next available flight bound to your city to meet you… I’ve almost forgotten all about you, and while you were away, it’s easier for me to forget you.”

“Did you think I’m not feeling the same way? Honey, I feel the same way too, and I miss you so much. It is painful you know to bear this faulty love, this wrong kind of feeling.”

“It is not love that at fault.”

“Yes, it’s my fault.”

“No, we’re in this together.”

“May I have your picture?”

“What for? Wouldn’t it make you miss me even more?”

“So, it is not allowed for me to miss you anymore?”

“No, not that… I don’t mind if you miss me, but someone might…”


“There, picture sent… Don’t put the blame on it, if it makes you love me even more…”

“Got it, where did you take this photo?”


“You look different from the last time we met. Chubbier… But where’s the smile?”

“Smile?” It will definitely make you love me even more.”

“You know I love your smile, and the teeth in particular… And it does make me miss you even more…”

Then a smiley pops up.

“Come and visit me…” I said.

“Do you think I don’t want to meet you again? God knows how badly I wanted to see you, meet you again. But it is just not possible, with the way things are.”

“I’ll come and visit you then…”

“And where are we supposed to meet? My office?”

“I don’t know, you know the places better…”

“Look, I am being watched every step of the way, it’s kinda hard for me to get out of sight. Even if you come and visit me, my office lobby is the furthest we can go to. Do you still want to see me there? No, right? It would be such a waste of plane tickets.”

“Can we go somewhere private?”

“Hmm, you don’t want to do something funny, do you?”

“Do you?”

“Waaaa… No… holding your hands, that’s it…”

“Ah, still waste of tickets…”

“Honey, would you mind calling me?”

“To which number? I don’t have your number…”

“My office number…”

Then she gave me her office number…

“I won’t call you to your office, why don’t you give me your mobile number instead?”

“You know I can’t give you my mobile number, it would be too risky.”

“I won’t call you to your office…”

“Honey, please… I miss your voice…”

“Are you still at the office?”


“I call you now…”

I dialled the number she gave me, moments later, I can hear her voice, thousands of miles apart.

For less than two minutes, we talked, just to say Hello, but yet it made us missing each other even more.

“I’ll call you again tomorrow…”

“My heart beats faster just by hearing your voice…”

“Runaway with me…”


“Runaway with me…”



  1. Breathless…
    more more more =D

  2. “I’m trying hard to keep myself from not clicking her nickname, the more I resist it, more and more agonizing it turns out to be.”

    You just said the exact feeling of denial and longing combined 😐 Bravo for you 🙂

  3. deja vu …
    can’t wait the end of the story …

  4. ini cerita nyata??

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